Tomorrow I’ll be 36. Still I’m unmarried, not pregnant, and still unengaged. Out of order, but all applicable. In recent years, my age has made me think a lot, usually grieve, and always cry. I start thinking about the way things were supposed to be according to my head, and I start thinking about how …
For the first time EVER, I do not hate my race photos. I have looked at them a few times and find it amazing how photogenic I am even when I have no idea there’s a photographer. I see my shirt tucked in and loose, and I see me posing naturally because it’s my “look …
I thought I had to. I thought I had to promote. I thought I had to create a platform. I thought I had to share the message. I thought I had to make moves. I thought I had to push. I thought I had to do something with it. Because publishing wasn’t enough. Because …
I do everything right. I do everything imaginable to feel great, at all times. I get sleep. I eat great. I drink water. I limit sodium. I pray in the morning and throughout the day. I read. I put my phone down (not as much as I used to, but hey … it’s 2021). I …
A few weeks ago, Tuesday was a doozy of a start. The prior days had been riding me hard: the scale being less than what I wanted or expected, feeling hungover from being thoroughly sick of social distancing, thoughts of marriage and what the passing of a new year meant, etc. Every 2 weeks …
Pride. The feeling you get from things accomplished. Or, the feeling you get from things not accomplished. Ego. What you think about yourself on a total scale of worthiness or enoughness. I’ve googled it recently as “pride” has been brought to my attention as the true culprit for my undercurrent of anxiety and …
It’s like I was holding my emotions at bay until it came, and when it did, there was no hiding. I want to get married. I want a ring on my finger. I want the world to know I am someone’s partner and that we have chosen one another to do this thing. I …
It’s been 11 days since I posted a blog, and I didn’t even know it. When I first started blogging, I committed to posting once a week. I was on fire for a while, able to prewrite and schedule things for weeks in advance. It’s like I had just uncovered a dormant fire within, …
It’s like I can see myself reacting and behaving and there’s nothing I can do about it. I even have a post IT saying, “Restraint of tongue and pen” and … it is not fail proof. Nothing is, I guess, when you’re truly human. Human amidst a pandemic that is ongoing. Human amidst the …
I am officially over COVID, and it is coming out in my mirror. And on the scale. And then into my clothes. Into my bed. And into my beating heart and flowing bloodstream. I often talk about being vulnerable and it immediately moving onto my body, but I haven’t actually experienced it in a …