I’d say I know it’s my grief, but I don’t know that. I have no idea what this is, or what’s coming, or when. What I do know, is that all my losses have prepared me for this. So have the years of showing up for myself whether I felt like it or not. I …
I haven’t felt like writing, how could I? Or talking, why would I? I see grief wears differently on everyone. Even me. Some people freeze and can’t move at all. Some people go into overdrive and can’t stop moving. Others push, while others pull. I can say that without diligently practicing spiritual principles …
Dear Matt, I love you. I love you more than I think I ever said. I trust you know that, and that my actions showed you. To say I am devastated is an understatement – there simply are no words for this kind of pain. I feared this for you for a very long …
No, I didn’t forget how to write, or lose my want to share. I did lose my interest in exposing other people’s privacy unintentionally, which was brought to my attention a few times. I needed a reset. I’ve had pulls to put thoughts to paper and share what’s been going on many times but paused …
I celebrated 4 years sober from bulimia Friday. That’s 4 years of not binging, or purging. That’s 4 years of not changing my food based on how I feel or think about my body. That’s 4 years of not engaging in exercise or training that is consciously harmful, or changing my exercise based on how …
Tomorrow I’ll be 36. Still I’m unmarried, not pregnant, and still unengaged. Out of order, but all applicable. In recent years, my age has made me think a lot, usually grieve, and always cry. I start thinking about the way things were supposed to be according to my head, and I start thinking about how …
For the first time EVER, I do not hate my race photos. I have looked at them a few times and find it amazing how photogenic I am even when I have no idea there’s a photographer. I see my shirt tucked in and loose, and I see me posing naturally because it’s my “look …
I thought I had to. I thought I had to promote. I thought I had to create a platform. I thought I had to share the message. I thought I had to make moves. I thought I had to push. I thought I had to do something with it. Because publishing wasn’t enough. Because …
I do everything right. I do everything imaginable to feel great, at all times. I get sleep. I eat great. I drink water. I limit sodium. I pray in the morning and throughout the day. I read. I put my phone down (not as much as I used to, but hey … it’s 2021). I …
A few weeks ago, Tuesday was a doozy of a start. The prior days had been riding me hard: the scale being less than what I wanted or expected, feeling hungover from being thoroughly sick of social distancing, thoughts of marriage and what the passing of a new year meant, etc. Every 2 weeks …