Just keep going.
I have thought a lot about this over the last few days, as the pull is to “start over” with the all too familiar New Year’s resolutions.
I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to keep resolving to do things differently- I want to keep going. I want to tweak some things that I may need to work on a little and continue to expand, but I don’t want to berate myself for not being perfect. That’s a really old fucking story. I don’t want to start and stop- I just want to keep going. I don’t want to make completely new, obliterate the old and swear off any and all behaviors that don’t serve me- that’s unrealistic. That’s societal. That’s cheap.
As a human involved with other humans and a lot of affairs, I want to be in the middle. I want to acknowledge that there are things that I want to do better, like be kinder to myself on a daily basis and bring more people into my life with me and my adventures. I want to acknowledge that I tend to do a little too much with a lot of intensity, and that’s isolating and doesn’t include the people I want closest to me. I want to acknowledge that I tend to lean toward black and white thinking, all or nothing promises, and that neither of those practices serve me or the greater good. I want to acknowledge that for the most part, I do and have done a really damn good job on myself and on my life, and that it is OK to celebrate that and to keep it going. I want to continue what works, and simply be aware of what doesn’t.
It’s not that I don’t have “resolutions”. It’s that these resolutions aren’t structured around a calendar date or year. Some of these resolutions, or goals, are lofty and ongoing. Some I will make, and some I won’t. Someone close to me reminds me that it’s important to have enormous goals in the mix- goals that I won’t make, because it means I am really pushing myself and extending my courage to places I didn’t think it could go. Not making it doesn’t mean I failed- it means I’m stretching my skin in a direction it needs to go and didn’t quite make- yet. Some are small and daily and ever present in the now. Fail more. Fail harder. Fail together.
Just fail. Because if you don’t, it means you didn’t start and you didn’t try and you are simply submitting to that voice that says you aren’t worth getting up in the morning and taking a stab at something wildly out of reach for you. And I think you are worth doing that for, and if I think that, the Universe probably does too, which means it’s likely possible for you and you, like me, are the only one in your way.