I conveniently forgot about this practice until recently, after I had succumbed day after day, to my anxious and fearful mind. I had forgotten that not all of the thoughts that I think are true. And because I had forgotten, I was warped into second-guessing myself, surveying for other opinions, doubting my abilities as an honest (and really talented) employee, and suffering. I was a bit more irritable, (sassy as I would defer), judgmental (mentally), cold, and anxious. I could feel the old tendencies to take it out on those closest to me (Bam included), and knew it was time to take a closer look.
It sucked. I had empty space from deleting a social media app that was no longer serving me, so I started to assume it was that. Then I stood face-to-face with the reality that I am publishing a book on my story – as intimate and raw and vulnerable as I can be on a piece of paper – and that that was, and is, a very big deal. I then also started to assume it was that. Then I remembered that I was crossing the 6 month threshold of a not-that-new-anymore relationship and admitting to being so both in like and in love with someone that I started to retreat in fear. Then I started to assume it might be that! My magnifying mind was searching for reasons to be uncomfortable. My magnifying mind was pointing the finger in order to ease the discomfort, because just being uncomfortable for no reason other than being a human with feelings is unacceptable.
I forgot to ask: is it
true? Is the thought that you are
thinking, whatever it is, true? Are you
sure? How do you feel when you think
that thought? How do you behave?
How do you respond (or react)?
What do you do? Now, turn it
around. Is (insert the original thought
and negate it) true, or truer? How do you
feel when you think that (new)
thought? How do you react (or respond),
how do you behave, what do you do?
That felt a lot better. Byron Katie’s “The
Work” is brilliant. I did not found this
practice, yet many years ago when I was first up against my eating disorder and
started to become willing to put a name to it, I was introduced. And it immediately changed my life. I listened to the turnarounds on recordings
from other people, and was fascinated at the parallels between all of our
thoughts. The plaguing “I’m not good
enough”. “I’m not worthy.” “I’m fat.”
“I don’t deserve it.” “It’s going
to hurt really bad.” “I can’t handle it.” “I can’t.” “It’s his (or her) fault.” Whatever.
We all have them, they just wear different masks at different times
until we can get underneath to the core of the fear. And then, question it.
I encourage you to practice this when you are feeling – anything. I encourage you to step inside the thought – watch it, observe it, write some shit down and ask itself about it. I know for me, after doing this again only once, I was able to call it back and begin to remember that no, my thoughts are not always true. I was able to stop the text asking what I should do when I already knew. I was able to stop the pit in my stomach from eating me alive because I realized the things I was afraid had never ever happened – ever. I was able to keep working, let go, be flexible, and say some different things.
Self-talk has been the beginning and the end for me. It has enabled me to move forward, or summersault backward in despair. It starts before my feet even hit the ground, which is why I roll out onto my knees and ask to be blocked from the things I tend to think about myself. What is your practice for negating the wonderful things we say to ourselves?