Work

It’s alluring and sexy to think that what you do for a living – what makes you money and affords you the luxuries you might not otherwise have access – must be something you’re passionate about and extremely competent in.  While I don’t disagree that work should be enjoyable, certainly manageable and rewarding not just financially, but spiritually, I also have firsthand experience with turning my only passion into my livelihood and as a result, losing it entirely in less than 10 years.

I rode horses my entire life, until I didn’t.  It’s all I knew, it’s all I cared about, and it’s all I ever talked about (lucky for you now that I have embarked on fitness escapades instead to fill my mouth and mind to the brim)!  I started at 3 and was blessed with my family’s support that enabled me to have 2 horses by the time I was 11, and ultimately pursue the sport professionally by 18.  I started my own business by 20 out of college, partly because somebody told me I was good at it.  In fact, they told me I was better than my current trainer and I could really do something with it.

Really?  Well alright!  So out on my own I went.  I had the hustle, grit and determination to do it myself with zero idea of what I was doing.  And because of that, I did it all: I cleaned the stalls and fed the horses, I rode them, I taught the kids (and adults), I hauled them around in continually upgraded trucks and trailers and managed the moving parts of the operation.  I slowly graduated from ads in the paper to word of mouth and moved from a small barn to what is now a gorgeous facility with a lot of opportunity for someone who wants this as a lifestyle.  It took me some time to realize (and be told) that I needed a day off, and that I could not physically (or emotionally) continue to carry the entire workload by myself.  I didn’t have the cash to pay people to work for me yet, so I traded lessons and board for labor.  My first Monday off (classically the horse worlds’ day off because we show all weekend) I slept til 5 PM.  To say I was tired was an understatement, but I was also completely unaware of any kind of balance needed to sustain myself and didn’t care to take the time to visit that part of me.

Eventually I was able to stop all manual labor, hire people for cash, hire another trainer to teach kids on their own and keep things running while we were away competing, and have investors buy sale horses for me to train and re-sell or compete myself.  I did a great job.  I cared about the people under my tutelage, and I cared about their horses.  I kept a clean shop and I kept a great reputation.  I kept the focus on myself and didn’t pay attention to the drama that milled around the industry or worry about what other people were doing.  I taught the basics of horsemanship, riding and instilled a foundation of good riding in everyone that walked through my door.  To this day I know that is true, and I regret nothing.

Especially walking away.  That industry is hard: it demands a lot of you physically, mentally and spiritually.  Horses (and their people) don’t care if it’s ice and snowing out, thundering and lightning, hot or humid.  They need fed on a schedule and they need mucked and turned out.  They need handled.  They need exercised.  They need babysat.  They need pampered.  They need a lot of money, and they need even more time.  And when you’re the only one doing most of things, and the only one at the end of the day that really cares how it all turns out – you get fried.  I think the Universe did me a favor giving me 8 concussions.  I think the Universe did me a favor sending me on bad relationships and brief vacations to show me how much of another life I was missing.  I think the Universe did me a favor by blessing me with an education (that I showed up for), smart parents that were also entrepreneurs, and the courage to walk away from the only thing I ever knew at the hope that I’d find something more manageable to do.

And so I walked, and I did it right: I gave plenty of notice to my clients, I handed them off to another competent enough trainer to take over the operation from me, I kept all bridges in tact and I spoke the truth.  There were a lot of tears and a lot of fear.  There was grief – I was more than a trainer.  I was a sister, a role model, a confidant.  I showed girls how to drive, how to park, how to curse and how to be your own person and show up as you are.  I was always honest in a very dishonest industry.  I was always willing to work harder than the next person, and I was always willing to do more for the people paying me to do half.

I had no idea what I was going to do; I just knew by looking around me and asking people who appeared to have what I wanted that I had to do something else.  No one was happy, and no one was healthy.  People looked old, stressed out and bitter.  They were irritable, exhausted and mean.  They weren’t going on vacations or having families.  They weren’t celebrating little victories and they weren’t growing as people.  And I didn’t want that to be me.

Fast forward now 6+ years later and I’m finally settling into a career I can call home.  I work with businesses and their executive leadership on the people side.  I help them strategize their processes to make their people maximally efficient, engaged and happy.  I help them think about HR as a profit center instead of a checklist and benefits administrative play.  I help them see through their vision and act on their mission.  I am in sales, but I act more as a consultant with an unattached and unbiased perspective of their business.  I work for a big corporation, one that has the resources to invest in me as a person and as a professional.  I have paid time off, incredible benefits, flexible scheduling and the most positively rewarding and supportive management I’ve ever had.  I am constantly in training, and constantly learning how I can help my clients and my prospects.  Yes, I am passionate about business and I know a lot about it having run one and come from a family of business owners.  I appreciate my business owners and their tenacity and grit and frankly, their affect on our economy and way of living.  I enjoy having an impact on the people I meet, and the opportunities it affords me to grow my brain and think more strategically.  I must be smart to do my job, and I must be thorough.  I must be patient, determined and consistent.  I must be the best version of myself or I don’t get the results I want. 

Is it my absolute passion to talk about the people side of an organization (HR) and help align financials, operations, benefits, payroll and training?  No, but guess what?  It allows me to do whatever else I am truly passionate about, while feeling purposeful and impactful in my day-to-day hustle.  It allows me to be my own person and have work-life balance.  It also makes me use my brain and stay current on what’s happening in the marketplace and with our economy.  Recently someone said I should think about my career because I am so talented with words.  Thank you, friend!  Your compliments go beyond my ability to thank you here, but I’ve lived that life.  I’ve pursued my God-given talents as my financial means and I lost the passion to continue using them.  God gifted me an ability to ride horses and to teach other people how to do that – really well.  I have no qualms about that, and in fact knowing that to be fact was a big reason it was so hard for me to walk away, and to finally stop grieving the loss of the use of my gifts many years later.  I felt indebted to the Universe to use what I was good at, but now finding my inner flame with my desire to use words to help others break the spell cast on them through the vulnerabilities of being human, I can say that we all have more than one gift, and thus more than one passion.  And just because we have a gift, doesn’t mean we are slated to use it in a specific way.  Perhaps the way in which we are to use what we have will be later revealed, in a way we don’t anticipate.

If you feel stuck in a career because you genuinely feel fried and undervalued – walk away.  If you feel slighted as an employee (or as your own boss) because you can’t be the best version of yourself and go to bed at night feeling satiated and purposeful – walk away.  But if you are treated well, have a good work-life balance and can say that what you do impacts the world in some way, maybe you should consider staying.  Maybe it’s the rest of your life that needs some revamping.  Maybe you’ve dialed in too much on the expectation that work should be more than it is.  Maybe it’s too high on your priority list.  Maybe we’ve been hypnotized into believing that we must be passionate about our careers to be impactful and useful.

I challenge you to ask yourself and stop listening to everyone else around you: is that even true?  And if so, awesome – now get to work on what you think you can do!  And if it’s not?  Also, awesome – you get to meet yourself all over again and find your own voice and what makes you feel heard.

Nothing is as scary as staying where you are, miserable and stuck and down.  I promise – I walked away from the only thing I ever knew, and without a doubt am the best I have ever been for it.  It takes time, and some days are hard, but you really can do anything that you want, whenever you want it.