I was devastated.  The kind of devastation when you don’t even realize you’re expecting good news and are so blindsided by the polar opposite that your normal processing capacity vanishes in an instant.  The kind of shock that leaves you wondering if you’re awake and heard correctly, or if it’s all the dream. And then […]

16 years sober – what’s changed?  Truth be told, everything, and nothing.  I still want people to love and adore me, but today I’m more interested in loving and adoring myself.  My behavior and intention have changed in receiving love and adoration, as has my definition of what love and adoration is.  I still want

Whenever I think I don’t have material, I giggle.  A broken ankle is golden material if there were to be any, as I can surely type while lying on the couch with dogs sprawled across me! People keep saying (as I have said to them): maybe this is God’s way of slowing you down.  And

Of course, I see somebody else’s food plan with their abs attached and I think that mine is wrong.  I see somebody else’s success (on social media and in real life) and I think that mine is not enough.  I see somebody else’s mile times and I think that my times are too slow.  It’s

In the podcast I guested I had said that “I am just average”.  I had a friend listen and upon listening, ask me “do you really believe you’re just average still”?  Context: I had just won the biggest event I have ever contested (in case you missed it) and was being asked to share my

It’s funny.  I didn’t think I had any material to publish, and then it came: my disease (or negative thinking, lower self, etc.) doesn’t want me to be happy.  I’ve been feeling super fat and sloppy in my skin with intermittent cravings to stuff my face with anything terrible and wondering why, and now I

Warning: this is long, unlike my usual posts.  I make a vigilant effort to keep my blogs short and readable, but I didn’t want to spare you this experience in print. It’s amazing to watch the thoughts come and go, and to try and channel them onto screen in between being grossly underslept and hungry

I am so human.  And it feels hard, exhausting, and unfair sometimes.  I hand over my power to people that don’t even know me.  I let people wreck my sleep because they don’t do as they said they would do (read: as I expect them).  I let people fuck with my sense of worthiness that

The other day I was training at a local obstacle gym and was struggling to get my hand over the top of a wall that I could in fact reach the top of but couldn’t seem to secure my grip and hang on.  I watched someone slightly taller than me tackle it with no problem. 

I did not care about my weight today.  Not the reference to my body or what I think she looks like, but a tangible digitalized figure I was privy to view on a screen. Ironically, I just posted about “losing weight” and respecting that process as it has unfolded.  Today, I had a doctor’s appointment