I just posted a video about body image, and the me that is learning how to filter and edit and hone my social media marketing craft wishes I had said something different than I did, but hindsight is always expensive.
I had remarked that I thought healthy body image would produce an unconditional love for my aesthetic self and what I saw in the mirror, and that that concept isn’t true for me at this point in my life. What I wished I had said was unconditional like, because I do absolutely love myself, and while it doesn’t always feel unconditional, my choice in behavior lends me to believe that it is. What is not unconditional is my like for my aesthetic self or the mirror, every day.
I do unconditionally love myself and my aesthetic today, but I do not unconditionally like my aesthetic or even my entire self today. Sometimes I am bloated. Sometimes the lighting catches my cellulite in such a way that I want to wear pants for the rest of my life. And by pants, I mean loose ass jeans and spanx. Sometimes I can’t deal with the skin that hangs over my waistband. Sometimes I hate that my bra pinches the sides of my chest.
Sometimes I am still an asshole and say things that assholes say. Sometimes I judge critically, and my words match the critique. Sometimes I make fun of things that aren’t funny, and instead of honoring my insecurity and vulnerability, I guard myself and become cold and distant. Sometimes I forget that Mike is my friend and treat him like a stranger that may hurt me or leave me. Sometimes I forget that everyone is essentially my friend, because no one can really hurt me or leave me unless I give them the power to do so.
In spite of the lighting and bloating and sometimes unbecoming angles that my body reflects, I still treat myself well. I still eat foods that nourish and honor me, and I still eat in a way that supports me. In spite of my sometimes-distracted mindset about my body and what I think she looks like; I still move in a way that brings me joy and freedom and purpose. I no longer change my food, or my body based on my mood swings or emotional vulnerability.
In spite of my sometimes-aggravated head space or hormones, I still show up in my relationship(s) and acknowledge when my part is getting muddy. In spite of my sometimes-assholeish tendencies, I still get quiet and know it is me that is truly the problem, not you or them. And then I apologize, after pausing long enough to know that I really do want to stop saying and being and destructing on occasion, so that I can stop causing harm.
And that’s love. Love behaves well in spite of. Love treats the whole instead of the nagging pieces. Love prevails and continues and resists. Love shows up and keeps trying. Love starts over – midday. Love knows at the deepest levels that I have reached the end of my belief in doing things my own way and continues to try to do it another. Love is who I am.
Like is conditional. Like is hormonal. Like is justified and righteous and aggravated and a chance for us to see where we still have room to grow. Like helps us navigate the highway, sometimes bumping into the guardrails but continuing in drive anyway. Like makes us human. Like makes us keep coming back.
Like is real.
Love and like this!
Love and like you!