Under-slept

No, under-slept isn’t really a word.  In fact, every time I type it into a document of any kind with the technology that assures me it is not really a word I am reminded.  However, it perfectly describes how most of us feel when we automatically sub in the word “tired” to describe a condition that isn’t tired.

I was taught many years ago, when I was churning and burning to keep up with the hustle that had become my life, that I was not tired, but grossly under-slept.  It was a time in my life where I was facing my first true jumping-off place.  I was undergoing the sale of my business without any real knowledge of where I was going or what I would do next, having never even thought beyond that current phase of my life.  I was understandably terrified of what I didn’t know would become of my life as I knew it at the time, but refused to be paralyzed by that fear and knew enough just to keep going anyway.  I had enough bandwidth to appreciate that all I had to know was that I no longer wanted to serve the equestrian community and that continuing to do so would kill me. 

Tired: tired describes lacking energy or an inability to do what we need to do, or want to do.  Tired describes a state of being that is slow, unavailable, perhaps unable and often times opposing our dreams and desires.  Under-slept describes a condition that the majority of America suffers: not enough literal time resting, taking care of ourselves, and properly restocked to do our best work.  Under-slept describes the condition that our inner fire is lit, but the ability to feel that fire seems impossible.

I am not tired – most of the time.  I am under-slept.  I wake up in the morning charged to smash various body parts in the gym, to sweat and to just move.  I wake up in the morning ready to get to work and to make a difference.  I wake up in the morning excited to get it done, whatever it is.  That condition doesn’t feel tired – it feels under-slept and begging for some gaps where I can sleep more.

I have learned.  I have learned that it is better to sleep a little longer, and not to train when I can’t physically.  I have learned that it is better to say no, so that I can recharge how I need so that I can say yes next time.  I have learned that it is better to slow down and to do one thing at a time, instead of creating a pile so high that I will never get to the top.  I have learned that under-slept is also a by-product of simply being busy, and that recharging isn’t necessariy always sleeping more.

I have also learned that under-slept is a choice today, and if I make the choice to rest, I maybe won’t confuse it with being so tired all of the time. It’s OK to lose sleep here and there, but it is no longer OK for me to lose my ambition and drive because I can’t seem to take the time I know I need to do so.

Do you relate?

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