2020

In just a moment, we will have survived (or prospered) another decade.  We’ll likely reflect back on what we accomplished, and even more likely set out on a list of wants, needs, goals, and to-do’s that we feel we didn’t accomplish or get right this time around.

New Year’s resolutions are lost on me, in more recent years.  Why not just keep going, setting right whatever it is you feel you need to set right – now?  Why do we have to wait for another day and another year to start treating ourselves better?  Why do we have to wait until the rest of the world is hot at the gym (for 6 weeks), hot on a healthier eating plan (for 4 weeks), hot on getting up early and building routine (for 3 weeks) instead of just acknowledging that we have the choice to start fresh any time and get our shit together?  Why wait to do what you want and go big?  Why wait to start pursuing your list and make your own self proud?

I used to do this.  I used to have start and stops on everything.  “On Monday I’ll stop eating like this … forever”.  To only start eating whatever it was that I couldn’t seem to stop eating by the next Saturday or the end of the month after I had re-earned the right to eat.  “In December I’ll start getting up early and doing cardio first thing”, instead of just sticking with something that was sustainable and uplifting and simple to continue to do.

That’s the problem with resolutions: most are not sustainable.  Most are huge, unfair from where we are right now, and not necessary to take on all at once or on the first day of the year.  They do not build on what we already have in place, and they do not consider the long-term.  They may seem simple, habitual, and great for us, but they usually come from so far away that they aren’t.

If you don’t eat any vegetables or fruit and go out for every meal, it’s unlikely to think that cooking your own food on Sunday’s for the week is going to last long or be remotely enjoyable for you.  If you don’t go to the gym at all or do any cardio or training, it’s unlikely to think that starting Monday you’ll go before work every day and put in a solid effort.  If you always hit snooze and let your temporary desires overhaul your greater good and want for sustainable, healthy habits, it is unlikely to think that come January 1 you will stop hitting snooze, start going to bed at the same earlier time every night, and get it all together.

It can be smaller than that, and it can be simple.  It can start with drinking more water or adding more color to one of your plates of food.  It can start with going on a 5-minute walk during lunch or in between meetings.  It can start with scheduling your bedtime within 30 minutes of your current bedtime and putting your phone down even before that so you can actually make it happen.

I am aware that I am riddled with discipline, routine, and habit.  I wasn’t born this way, although it could be argued that grit is more inherent than it is developed, but I believe more strongly that almost anything can be developed with enough persistence, want and effort.  I got this way by showing up even when I didn’t feel like it.  By getting up even when laying down was easier.  By keeping up with the mundane life stuff every day even when it seemed sexier to fuck it all and do something else.  By maintaining my inner vows to myself that I would be better and do the next thing right – every day.  By acting instead of waiting to feel differently.  By acting instead of waiting for motivation.  By continuing the action until it was just what I do. 

I do it for myself, not somebody else, which wasn’t always true.  As a kid I got up for my mom and for the horses.  As a kid I did my homework and listened because I was a rule follower and too afraid not to.  In college I set out at 5 AM to ride my horses before class so I could still do the rest of what I was supposed to do, and slowly it started to be more for me.  I used to train hard and eat clean for validation and attention, until I realized that I never felt better eating crap or sitting around.  I never felt better when my clothes didn’t fit, or when I didn’t want to expose my skin. 

There was a point in time when I definitely did not take care of myself, I did not have discipline, and I did not have habits that benefited me or my goals, and I forget that I didn’t get this toolbox overnight.  I forget that I didn’t build this connected foundation in a day.  I forget that I didn’t know to treat myself in a way I wanted to feel, even if it was futuristic, most of the time.  I forget that we’re all human, and we’re all trying, even if it doesn’t look like we are. Which means that the other people in my life that I want to change are likely not doing it to me, but because they haven’t gotten to a place where they can do it for themselves yet (or even want to)!

My New Year’s wish for you, is that you start where you are right now, and that you’ll be where you are right now.  You don’t need to wait for the calendar to turn – you can do better now (and continue without the date affecting your purpose driven life).