Falling in Love

Yes, of course, this connects to the obvious: I am falling in love with a man, only in real life and not in theory.  Like, I’m experiencing the kind of relationship where I think: pinch me, is this really the person I’m partnered with today and on the same page with in both short and long term affairs?   I have been in love before, but I was in love with the idea of someone, and never their reality. I won’t make a laundry list of assaults against the persons I’ve said “I love you” to, but let’s suffice it to say that my love was more aligned with the idea of what that person could maybe one day hopefully bring to the table, instead of allowing them to show me who they were over time and acknowledging in their best moments, early on, that they weren’t going to chalk up to my idea- ever.

Cheese aside, I am falling in love with my life.  I am falling in love with work.  I am in a profession that demands I stretch my character, and I am supported by a company that wants me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be.  I am in love with the opportunity, the growth track, the challenge and the reality that this career is really a long-term home for me.  I thought I loved my work before- I had real purpose, made a difference, and could see my impact in the community around me.  But those jobs and paths weren’t sustainable (or else I’d still be there).  They couldn’t offer me my worth and they didn’t have the long-term that I seek, and now know I deserve.

I am falling in love with Bam, all over again.  She and I never had the connection that Abby and I did, and I won’t lie and say it wasn’t hard for a long time.  I almost gave her away because she kept running away from me and today, I know she is the closest reflection of my spiritual wholeness that I have.  She doesn’t let me get away with anything- she remains unfazed and unattached and uninterested in most of my emotional bullshit, and I need that.  Yes, it’s coming to me in dog form, but if that’s how I am able to receive it, I’ll take it.  I don’t always get to choose how the lesson is taught, anyway.

I am falling in love with myself.  I am falling in love with my health, and what it means to truly nurture a hard working body and truly capitalize and expand on what it means to be physically fit.  I had no idea what I was capable of, because I couldn’t stop focusing on numbers or body fat or aesthetics long enough to nourish myself for long-term vitality, wellness, and performance.  I can do things today that I never dreamt of being able to do- in succession, without injury, and without much tiredness.  I show up for that today.  Yes, I struggle hard with my head talk and I am publishing a book that shines a light on a lot of that, but I act differently than my head dictates and as a result, reap the rewards I only dreamt others could have.

Love is everything- it’s the binding energy that the Universe created us all to share.  If you want something and dream it for yourself, I beckon you to go forth and go after it and make it a reality.  It will likely involve a lot of change, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of grieving what you thought you had (and maybe even wanted) and a lot of trust in what could be.  I had to shed a lot of layers before I could start to even touch on my potential.  I had to shed a lot of people, places and things, but if it weren’t for those people, places or things- I’d never know what it truly feels and looks like, and lives like, to be in love today.  So, thank you to the formers, the present, and the futures- they add to our experience regardless of outcome, term, or perfection.  

2 thoughts on “Falling in Love”

  1. I can relate to some of this. I returned to a job that I had left at first in anger and then in apathy. It was difficult to get back in there because I’d burned some bridges, so I felt doubly grateful to return. I was able to better the conditions of the job – more pay and much less travel – and I’m loving the same job so much more than previously.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top