Thanksgiving came, and Thanksgiving went. I had a plan, and then the plan kind of had me. I had a delightful time in the woods by myself, some intimate time with Mike and his family, and then some distracted mental psychosis around food and emotional hunger and exposure and more. My plan was to […]
Post Thanksgiving Process Read More »
My disease hates when I’m happy. My disease hates when I stray from needing it to tell me my every move, validate my every thought, and rely on it for comfort. Especially when it has to do with my body, the food I put in my body, and people commenting on either or both. And
I feel damned if I do, and damned if I don’t. I feel exposed or hidden. I feel arrogant and seeking, or too modest and quiet. I feel confused and defensive, while simultaneously humbled and challenged. Because I forgot that I want to. In July my shin was killing me, to the point that I
It’s been a few days of total awareness. It started with a walk and hearing my anxiety gain an audible pulse. It started with the remembering of our date night shifting and the attachment that it must mean something. (Please read the actual text: shifting, not what my brain said: not happening). Then it
I still Need my Glasses Sometimes Read More »
I’m calm. I feel balanced. I’m not in a hurry and I’m not attached. It’s somewhat new. I’ve been practicing hard. Not by choice at first, but willingly now. Life is grey, not black and white. Most of my life I have lived in the black and white. The all or the nothing. The best
I Want What I Have Read More »
“I had arrived”. That elusive idea that once I get somewhere or that once I achieve something, I will be complete. That elusive story that if only I could look like x, or feel like y, then I’d be happy. The chase to nowhere and the high to nothing. I lived that way for a
It is hard to expose yourself day in and day out on social media, and I had no idea I’d have to. I wrote a book because I wanted to write a book. I wrote a book because I want to help people, and I believe my story can. I now know it’s going to
I Didn’t Know I’d Be So Naked Read More »