Where are you going?

Don’t be in such a hurry, Alison.

I wish that novelty came from my own sense of wellness, but it didn’t.  It came from an external source, a voice of reason, that can have an unbiased and unattached observation of my running away from whatever it is I am afraid, which usually results in a dead stop through some kind of pain.  A recent experience of crashing and burning because I haven’t slowed down long enough to not only celebrate any of my successes (buying a home, meeting a phenomenal man, making more and better friends and deepening the relationships that I had, running my first marathon, completing my first overnight event (really well), moving forward in my career, starting a blog, writing a book…) OR to process any of the pain (major health issues earlier this year, family stuff, changing EVERYTHING, etc).  brought me back to this place of needing to slow the fuck down.  I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but I just kept going.  I just kept moving.  I acknowledged for .05 seconds that something was happening, maybe gave some high fives and laughs, shed a tear or two, but really- just kept fucking going.  Until I wasn’t.

I am not slow.  I don’t do anything slow.  I don’t process slow, I don’t walk slow, I don’t work slow, I don’t feel slow, I don’t talk slow, I don’t want slow.  I’m fast.  I do everything fast.  I get more done by 8AM than most get done by 3.  That works most of the time, until it doesn’t.  And it doesn’t when I realize I am bypassing all of the parts of life worth slowing down for: the celebrations, the agonies, the experiences.  It doesn’t work when I’m missing out on the people right in front of me, on the growth opportunities provided regularly and on the bliss that is this life.

It has been my experience that when we keep going, whether it be conscious or not, whatever we are “going” away from, stays.  It builds.  It hovers.  And eventually, in my experience, it gets you.  It sneaks up on you and smacks you on a day you weren’t prepared to be smacked.  It’s always that way- it’s never the day I’m ready for war.  It’s the day I’m feeling OK and maybe a little quieter and BAM- there it is.  I usually resort to some old behaviors (eating more than I need, eating foods that don’t serve me, being mean or cold or guarded to people I love and really adore and actually want close to me, being short sighted and judgmental) and really- RUSHING.  Rushing through each meeting, rushing through each walk with Bam, rushing through each shower and workout and conversation and meal.  Missing the entire point of the experience, just to get to…?  Nowhere.  Just to get… nothing.  Just to… run away from whatever it is I don’t want to sit still with long enough to be.  Just…

Because sometimes, that’s just what we do.  It’s a default.  It’s a reaction.  It’s our humanness in a world of faster and more “now”.

Stop rushing.  Be where you are.  Be here.  Just be.  Soak it up, soak it in, embrace it all, for it may be all we have.  

2 thoughts on “Where are you going?”

  1. Another epic read…truly nails how I feel on any given minute, day, week!!!
    Keep going and if you fall, fall forward💪💖

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