Alison

Dear Matt,   I love you.  I love you more than I think I ever said.  I trust you know that, and that my actions showed you.  To say I am devastated is an understatement – there simply are no words for this kind of pain.  I feared this for you for a very long […]

No, I didn’t forget how to write, or lose my want to share.  I did lose my interest in exposing other people’s privacy unintentionally, which was brought to my attention a few times.  I needed a reset.  I’ve had pulls to put thoughts to paper and share what’s been going on many times but paused

I celebrated 4 years sober from bulimia Friday.  That’s 4 years of not binging, or purging.  That’s 4 years of not changing my food based on how I feel or think about my body.  That’s 4 years of not engaging in exercise or training that is consciously harmful, or changing my exercise based on how

Tomorrow I’ll be 36.  Still I’m unmarried, not pregnant, and still unengaged.  Out of order, but all applicable.  In recent years, my age has made me think a lot, usually grieve, and always cry.  I start thinking about the way things were supposed to be according to my head, and I start thinking about how

I thought I had to. I thought I had to promote. I thought I had to create a platform. I thought I had to share the message. I thought I had to make moves. I thought I had to push. I thought I had to do something with it.   Because publishing wasn’t enough.  Because

I do everything right.  I do everything imaginable to feel great, at all times.  I get sleep.  I eat great.  I drink water.  I limit sodium.  I pray in the morning and throughout the day.  I read.  I put my phone down (not as much as I used to, but hey … it’s 2021).  I

A few weeks ago, Tuesday was a doozy of a start.  The prior days had been riding me hard: the scale being less than what I wanted or expected, feeling hungover from being thoroughly sick of social distancing, thoughts of marriage and what the passing of a new year meant, etc.   Every 2 weeks

Pride.  The feeling you get from things accomplished.  Or, the feeling you get from things not accomplished.   Ego.  What you think about yourself on a total scale of worthiness or enoughness.   I’ve googled it recently as “pride” has been brought to my attention as the true culprit for my undercurrent of anxiety and

It’s like I was holding my emotions at bay until it came, and when it did, there was no hiding.   I want to get married.  I want a ring on my finger.  I want the world to know I am someone’s partner and that we have chosen one another to do this thing.  I