Alison

Box checking makes me feel safe.  It helps me feel like I’m in control, that things are calculated and organized, and it helps me orient myself forward when things don’t go as planned.  It keeps my finger on the pulse in all of my affairs: at work, with my health, and at home. Box checking […]

I had to have a couple lately, and none did I love.  None did I want to have.  None did I look forward to having, or even think I was going to have before I did. Uncomfortable conversations involve vulnerability, and a willingness to be open.  They require an openness to another perspective.  They require

For the first time in 2 months, I am calm.  I can sit without my phone, without a running to-do list compulsively swirling madly around my head and just be.  I can take honest stock that everything is fine exactly as it is, and it is turning out to be finer than I thought it

I had no idea I hadn’t dealt with the trauma that is my past romantic life.  Specifically, I had no idea how terrified I was of being left again and not good enough. Those are my core operating fears, underneath of every behavior, every irritation, ever angst: I am not enough, and I will be

In just a moment, we will have survived (or prospered) another decade.  We’ll likely reflect back on what we accomplished, and even more likely set out on a list of wants, needs, goals, and to-do’s that we feel we didn’t accomplish or get right this time around. New Year’s resolutions are lost on me, in

I tried.  I tried to eat like normal-ish people, and I’ve been trying for a little while now.  I went to NY and had pizza – and then had more.  I went to Christmas Eve dinner and had lobster mac n cheese – and then had more.  And after a series of “more” over the

The rain and my mood seem to be aligned the last couple of days.  I don’t know if it’s necessarily because of the rain, but I can say that I have been further down the rabbit hole than I have been since my fall and I am writing to try and escape. I write for

It’s true: I am gifted with an ability to produce emotion through words.  It is my love language.  It’s also true that I am very thoughtful and think of others often and let them know that I think of them when I do (imperfectly, of course).  I make an effort to pick up the phone

Not everything is as it seems.  I was spiraling about Mike not answering my text or my call, and there he was on the phone with his accountant.  He didn’t have to tell me that he had a call at 10 which he forgot about.  My old narrative is riddled with fear, and he’s moving

I get sad and overwhelmed when I think of the magnitude of my situation, and that I haven’t walked in over 3 weeks and won’t walk for another 3 most likely.  I get sad when I think of how I can’t do a side plank or glute bridge because I can’t put weight on my