It turns out that I had to get over my petty bullshit first. I had to stop checking boxes. I had to stop looking out and comparing myself to somebody else, and compare me to me. I had to evaluate whether I was fundamentally happy, secure, and unconditionally accepting; not whether he was. I had …
It is different, for me. I was told nothing would change, but it had already has. I have. The wedge that was blocking me from getting closer has been removed, because that wedge was that voice that kept whispering, “You’re not enough. You’re not worthy. You’re not enough to be committed to. You’re not …
I’d say I know it’s my grief, but I don’t know that. I have no idea what this is, or what’s coming, or when. What I do know, is that all my losses have prepared me for this. So have the years of showing up for myself whether I felt like it or not. I …
I haven’t felt like writing, how could I? Or talking, why would I? I see grief wears differently on everyone. Even me. Some people freeze and can’t move at all. Some people go into overdrive and can’t stop moving. Others push, while others pull. I can say that without diligently practicing spiritual principles …
Dear Matt, I love you. I love you more than I think I ever said. I trust you know that, and that my actions showed you. To say I am devastated is an understatement – there simply are no words for this kind of pain. I feared this for you for a very long …
No, I didn’t forget how to write, or lose my want to share. I did lose my interest in exposing other people’s privacy unintentionally, which was brought to my attention a few times. I needed a reset. I’ve had pulls to put thoughts to paper and share what’s been going on many times but paused …
I celebrated 4 years sober from bulimia Friday. That’s 4 years of not binging, or purging. That’s 4 years of not changing my food based on how I feel or think about my body. That’s 4 years of not engaging in exercise or training that is consciously harmful, or changing my exercise based on how …
Tomorrow I’ll be 36. Still I’m unmarried, not pregnant, and still unengaged. Out of order, but all applicable. In recent years, my age has made me think a lot, usually grieve, and always cry. I start thinking about the way things were supposed to be according to my head, and I start thinking about how …
For the first time EVER, I do not hate my race photos. I have looked at them a few times and find it amazing how photogenic I am even when I have no idea there’s a photographer. I see my shirt tucked in and loose, and I see me posing naturally because it’s my “look …
I thought I had to. I thought I had to promote. I thought I had to create a platform. I thought I had to share the message. I thought I had to make moves. I thought I had to push. I thought I had to do something with it. Because publishing wasn’t enough. Because …